How To Find a Godly Husband

A testament to the profound joy and fulfillment found in surrendering to God's plan for marriage.

Longing for marriage, especially for a young girl, can often feel like the biggest thing in our lives. With doubts that we’ll ever find someone, it can seem like the ultimate quest for happiness—like waiting for Prince Charming to rescue us from our dull life. Although I want to take these feelings seriously (because they are real no matter how silly they may seem), it's crucial to recognize the danger in substituting that romantic ideal for our true Savior and what should be our true source of happiness. In fact idolizing marriage puts our happiness at risk because its fulfillment is not always guaranteed.

This illusion kept me in an inappropriate and abusive relationship for many years. Convinced that no one else would want to marry me, I allowed fear to overshadow my well-being, prioritizing the idea of marriage over my safety and health. Consequently, my discontent with God grew, and I perceived Him as failing to fulfill my desires. God became (in my warped view of things) the thing keeping me from what would actually make me “happy.”

Now, a desire for marriage in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a beautiful and natural inclination for a woman to have, but it's essential to approach this longing with wisdom and discernment.

I'm sure you've often heard the common advice to patiently wait during seasons of singleness and to trust that everything will fall into place when the time is right. While the advice is not bad, you wouldn’t be alone in feeling uncertain about what that looks like in practice. I mean, what does it truly entail to surrender this desire to God, and how do we make sure we genuinely are? Should we actively seek a husband or just wait and see what happens? Merely trying to convince oneself to be content with single life often falls short (I should know).

I definitely wasn't happy. I was barely leaving my teenage years and already I was bitter about not finding love. After leaving my past relationship, I grew even more depressed, often considering leaving the faith. Not because I didn’t believe in God, but because I was so angry with Him. A bit dramatic, but you know. Eventually, my birthday came around, and because birthdays are often a time of great reflection, I found myself contemplating the stagnant direction of my life. I still felt a strong desire—a longing—for lasting happiness, like the contentment Paul spoke of, rooted in Christ. In a moment of humility, I sought forgiveness and recommitted myself to God. That night, on my birthday, I took a pen in hand and meticulously listed every desire I had and relinquished them one by one to God. Along the lines, I wrote down that if God never wanted me to have a family, I would be okay and content with that. I wrote down that if God never wanted me to be married, I would be okay and content with that. I spent time in deep prayer and willingly accepted whatever His plan would be—even if it meant foregoing marriage. It’s difficult, but I urge you to do the same: release your grip on specific desires that may have become idols and embrace God's offering for your life instead.

Surrendering to God may seem counterintuitive or daunting. Yet, we know that in Christianity, yielding to His plan brings true freedom. It’s a transformative act of dying to ourselves and our selfish desires to embrace His purpose. For me, this meant letting go of bitterness against God for not granting my desires and embracing His will as my own. This step of surrender is pivotal; without it, all subsequent advice is futile. It is not enough to merely pay lip service to surrendering to God's will while clinging to our own plans. Such ambivalence undermines true surrender. God doesn't coerce obedience; He beckons us willingly. If we persist with our own ways of doing things, we deny Him the opportunity to work His divine purpose through us, forfeiting the blessings that accompany that.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

Instead of idolizing marriage, try romanticizing your relationship with God. Spend most of your time with Him, prioritize consuming scripture over dating advice, and find your joy in Him.

Recently, there's been a huge surge in content surrounding the notions of a ‘soft life,’ ‘princess treatment,’ ‘high-value men,’ and ‘trad wives,’ which has led to a rise in standards that women are setting in dating. However, while this is generally a good thing, there is a point at which some of these “standards” become unreasonable. This may be a contentious point, but the man whom God has prepared for you may not necessarily be super rich, resemble a model, tirelessly work while maintaining a rigorous gym routine, and still have boundless time for you. It becomes easy to stray from the essence of biblical masculinity and confuse worldly notions of a high-value man with what God truly values when we prioritize online advice over God's Word. So, after you've communed with God and listed the things you're relinquishing, it's time to ponder over the standards God would set for your husband and jot those down. These are the non-negotiables. Remember, this isn't an opportunity to catalog all your desires but rather to delineate the qualities of a man of God. How would you recognize him if God put him in your life?

Many times, the person God has in store for you isn't someone you'd expect or actively pursue. That was certainly the case for me. After my birthday, I took my commitment to God very seriously and started eliminating things from my life that didn't honor Him. I began by going through everything on my phone, unfollowing, blocking, and deleting any content or contacts that were not edifying.

However, when I came across messages from a man who had initially contacted me through Reddit, I had to pause. Honestly, I hadn't thought much about him before, even though we had been sporadically talking for a while, and I had no feelings for him. He wasn't someone I would have ever considered, but when I reached his contact that day, something was different.

At the risk of sounding crazy, I can’t deny I heard God’s voice clearly in that moment. He instructed me to share the gospel with this man. It didn't make any sense to me and felt so random, especially since this guy probably didn't even know I was a Christian. Yet, the presence of the Lord was so overwhelming, and the weight of my commitment to Him made saying no impossible. I was sweating like never before and actually said aloud, "OK, GOD. I'll do it." It felt like God was pushing me, weighing on me—something I had never experienced before. He must have taken my commitment seriously as well.

So, I messaged this guy, attempting to initiate a conversation about God. I spent the evening and the following day sharing the gospel with him. It had been a while since I had shared the gospel with someone, and the conversations we had were quite remarkable, but he did come to Christ. For me, that was truly shocking.

At the time, I didn't understand how someone could change their whole lives and beliefs based on what I was telling them, but of course it wasnt from anything I said but what God was working in him.That man I shared the gospel with eventually became a much better Christian than me, honestly, a dedicated man of God, and….my husband.

I always assumed I'd marry someone from home, maybe someone close to my family, and that I’d live in the states forever. I never, ever would've guessed I'd marry a man who lived on the other side of the world whom I'd met online. I think about what would've happened if I said no to God. If I didn't share the gospel with this one man like He told me to. How much longer would it have taken me to find my husband? Would God have used someone else to do HIs will? God sent my husband to me the very day after I dedicated my life to Him, but the only reason I was able to see that was because I was obedient when I needed to be.

If we aspire to reach the beautiful place in life that God has intended for us, we must adhere to the path He has laid out. It's unreasonable to expect a righteous husband to be sent our way if we ourselves aren't living a devout life. This step is just as important as the rest. Jot down some standards you hold for yourself and dedicate time to cultivating them. When our focus isn't solely on the attributes of our dream partner, we can concentrate on what would make us a good spouse. Godly men recognize and appreciate Godly women! So, set high standards for yourself. Familiarize yourself with Biblical femininity and the characteristics of a virtuous woman. Of course, this doesn't mean you can’t take any extra steps toward finding a husband but, you’ll soon find you're much happier when you focus on improving what you can instead of lamenting what is out of your hands. So I simply suggest leaving the proactive, seeking part to the men. Instead, you can move through life intentionally, allowing things to unfold naturally.

The key here is to place yourself strategically, make sure you have a good testimony, and be approachable. (And if you struggle with in-person dating or talking like me, then keeping your social media up to date is not a bad idea either!)  Leverage your strengths and opportunities to connect with others in meaningful ways.

I really believe this is the best approach and your greatest chance of encountering a Godly man. If you're actively involved in church, engaged in christian communities, living a life devoted to Christ, and obedient to God’s callings, you're inevitably drawing closer to the future He has planned for you. However, if you attempt to chart your own course or overlook something God prompts you to do, I assure you it will only prolong your journey towards His intended path. You'll end up spending valuable time realigning yourself with His will, and it won't be an enjoyable experience. Keep your focus on Christ and you will find joy in Him, and the plans He has for your life will exceed anything you could have envisioned.